So, I just received an advance on my autobiography and I feel like it would not be right if I did not thank all of my readers out there.

I will admit the number surprised me (and Jill and Greta) but, it has made me rethink some things in my life. I have been out of "work" for so long that I actually forgot the amount I can make. I know my family and I will work on getting a new house. I of course give a lot if to charities and my foundations but, I have this strange idea that I may really want another child. I know my wife will kill me for saying that but, it's just an idea I have been thinking on. And praying on.

I will go ahead, without Jill or Greta's approval talk about my daughters entry in our family blog, which should be taken down by the time this is published. She is a child and I spoke to her about it and she did not really know what she was writing and how terrible it was. I think the truth is she misses her mother and isn't sure how to express it.

I tell my kids that if they want to be writers they can write anything they want but, they should never write anything that could hurt anyone in anyway.

I think the point is she is a child who was not supervised while she was online, a fault of mine and she did not mean what she wrote, I can assure you.

If you have no idea what I am talking about then, nevermind and thanks again.

I know everyone has their opinions about my wife so, I am going to lock the comments in any entry when I mention her.

Yes, I am alive and I know I have not been doing a very good job of keeping up with this blog but, I've been doing a lot of work with my fellow writers, with my family and with my autobiography coming out. So, with this being the weekend I have time to take a break and actually write in here.

I've noticed News lately has been very depressing so,I actually have nothing to write about.

I have been living with my oldest children these last few weeks and it has been very strange for me to be in a house without babies or toddlers running around. Actually, if anything the house has been quieter. When kids are the age the older ones are now they tend to be very dependent but, I am always happy when my children want to spend time with me without being forced. In my opinion family values is very important even though I know it clashes largely with what I do for a living so, I will admit to being a hypocrite. However,I don't write what I write to be controversial I write it because it is the only way I know how to fully convey a story.

I, like any parent want my kids to have much better than I did and I often ask myself if I am doing that. I know I won't be able to run around or play with them or that I can't give them as much individual attention,etc. I also think I can't compare myself to my own parents or my mother,really because it is a different situation.

I was a mess for a long time, even when I was a father but I cleaned myself up for my children eventually. I wonder what my childhood would have been like if my mother cleaned herself up for me ?

These thoughts don't come to my mind often though because I am just happy and thankful for everything and everyone I have now in my life.



Now I only have one pressing decesion to make right now :

This one:or this one :

Yes I stole my title from Shawna

I am very happy that this blog doesn't have a date log because then I would feel really bad about not updating. I just got my cast off so,I am back at physical therapy full time and my doctor is kicking my ass. In some of my past hobbies and jobs I have asked my body to do thins it probably couldn't but, this is different because I am re-adjusting to everything--not just walking.

Things at Cobalt have been relatively busy actually. Shawna is starting her new division so we constantly have new writers coming in and out along with all the other brilliant people it takes to start a new publishing division. Cobalt publishing has 3 floors in the Fere-Hallston building (counting the Midnight Agency) but it looks like we may need more space, although it will take a lot of negotiations for that to even begin.

Anyway between my family, physical therapy,getting ready to release this new book and helping out Shawna I have been very busy.

In other news, my bar is doing great. Apparently bars are seeing the better end of the recession. I know that's terrible

I have decided to take one of my co-workers suggestions and make this entry more personal. If you have noticed the style of writing I have done has changed from my previous entries.

Some of the fallout (no pun intended) from my accident was that I acquired a very mild form of a brain disorder called Aphasia. It affected me for a very long time where I was unable to speak for a long time as many of you saw. With help of my therapist, nurses and support from my family I was able to overcome this however it still affects the way I write.

It takes me a long time to write stories, to create fictional worlds because I often can not find the words to complete them. Writing these blog entries has been surprisingly easy though. But, I will admit I have some difficulties but,Jill and some of the editors at Cobalt are kind enough to edit these so they are readable but, the thoughts behind them are all mine.

So, the point is I will be taking a break from writing for now, this is a decision that has been a long time coming now but,I am officially saying it for the first time. I will still write this blog, I have been asked to do a few things for LA Magazine and I will always be involved with Cobalt but Joel Baker,Novelist is going to be taking a break for now. I have lots of scraps (a modem full actually)of a variety of unfinished stories, scenes and dialogue that I will either hold on to, give to other writers or something. Everything is really up in the air for now.

I think I will spend most of my time learning how to better manage my family and spending time with my family.

There was a short article in the Daily News about a little girl who took a tumble down an 8 story window and was just fine. The true irony ? Her name was Destiny.


I think from a writer's perspective names are important. When I pick names for characters at times they are truly random ( Joshua and Rebecca) and sometimes they are intentional created to go together ( Sam and Adeline). Because we choose our character's identity we often pick their name to go with that identity. Or sometimes we do the opposite. We choose a name that is so disassociated with the characters identity. Either way names are important when it comes to writing, and sometimes giving a character a name is the hardest thing to do.

I can't get through this entry without pointing out Juliet who said, "That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself."

We put to much of an ownership on surnames, I think. I won't lie of course I am victim to this too. When I was a teenager my father wanted me to change my last name to Lawrence but, I refused because I did not want to associate with him, even though Lawrence is a relatively common name. I knew that changing my name wouldn't change who I am yet, it was something I feared.

I often wonder how married women deal with this ordeal. Essentially,America society or American tradition rather asks them to change an identity they have come to know. But, I wonder; does the identity exist to begin with ? Is their anything carried with a last name. In my relationship it has been pretty obvious my, (here goes) significant other has never taken my last name, legally but all my children have my last name. I think she is afraid she will fall into some spherical cult of female domesticity if she does but, it is something that I've always found interesting. Of course this whole paragraph is irrelevant because of, well . . . hyphens.

Here is something else about names, what is with the negative connotation associated with terms of endearment. I will be completely honest, no matter how bad it makes me look and admit to using them, especially with women. But, I do not do it to put women "in their place" as someone explained to me I do it because it's my way of showing I have a close relationship with them. I do call my children "baby" and I think that comes from the fact that my mother used that term all the time, with everyone from her lover to her dog. When I was a newlywed I called my wife,"honey" and I will occasionally call the co-workers who I am friendly with the same thing. Does this mean I have an issue with their names ? No, I think it's a loving gesture.

When I get to make names for people who's identity I don't know I tend to want to make their names some what creative. I am of course talking about my children. I always give my mother credit for naming as many kids as she did with two names (most of which semi-worked together). The 6 of my children who are not adopted I got way with giving two names were Christopher Robin and Dahlia Beth. I was set on naming Christopher Robin , Josiah but, his mother didn't like that. I also wanted to name one of the babies Joel but once again I was vetoed.

While I have no intention of having anymore children if I did I have developed a new love of the name Clemintine (I actually really like the film Eternal Sunshine on A Spotless Mind) and more recently the name Harley.

My life has slowed down a lot lately and because of that I haven't been blogging much. It seems like all I do is work and go to physical therapy. However I may be taking a short break from writing fiction for a while so I may be devoting more time to this blog. I will probably start actually talking about things or what is on my mind. I have also made a promise that I will attempt to answer some of the comments on here.

I have an AOL e-mail account and whenever I sign in I usually learn about useless things that are going on but, I figure some of the AOL "news" can help me come up with things to write in here.

I've decided to have a little fun with this entry and talk about an article entitled Sexual Style by Sign which was on AOL Health.

I know this entry might be a little inappropriate for children but, it's not too graphic

So, my birthday is March 4 and I am a Pisces. According to them I am emotional not intellectual (true). It also says Pisces are "talented at pleasing others and accepting pleasure. What's naughty to another sign just seems like fun for the fish, and they approach bedroom romps with an open mind and an open heart, always expecting your time together to be fantastic."

I don't know if that is true I tend to be pretty vanilla but, I would actually be open to trying new things and I would like to think I always have sex with an open heart. It's funny though I think the only thing we add to our sexual relationship is the occasional KY product, the crazy things those people can do it's . . . amazing

It continues to say

Turn on's :Pisces are often turned on by fantasy games, so get out that cheerleading costume and start stretching.

Turn Offs: Don't play it cool with your Pisces, or he'll lose his libido. A Piscean partner needs to get a response in the sack.

I find this true, I mean anything from conversation, saying my name tothe occasional sexy moan really turns me on. While my fantasy isn't about cheerleaders I do have one my significant other would never consent to.

It's says I am compatible with Scorpio, Cancer, Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn.

Uh oh

My wife is an Aries. And you know what ? They almost have her to a science

"Passionate and impatient, these lovers want to get down to business. They're not into wooing you with flowers and romance. They're actors, not dreamers, and they prefer a spicy, energetic romp to a drawn-out lovemaking session. "They want what they want, and they want it now," says Vega. If what they want is you, you'll have a partner dedicated to pleasing you between the sheets -- but you'd better not be into foreplay, because you're not going to get much."

I am pretty sure my wife absolutley hate foreplay, I think she is creatively stunted

However it says she should be turned off by scheduling sex but, she is totally into that.

I want to say I take no truth in astrological signs but, I find this to be purely entertaining. For a long time I wasn't very open sexually. It was something I only wanted to do for societal purposes like to consumate a marriage or for procreational purposes. I know that sounds stilted but you will learn about the fire-and-brimstone-church-makes-backwoods-look-classy-environment I grew up in

Now, however that has changed. I still strongly believe in a monogamy and abstinence but I think once you are married you should not be ashamed of sex, I have no problem talking about my (or lack, thereof) of sex life. I love being with my wife and having that intimate connection with her.

This our obviously my beliefs and as much as I want to push them on others I know that I can't.

I just want to say it people are completely pissed off at me and think I crossed a line. I'm Sorry.

Yes, I can turn a phrase.

I have a confession to make. I have created within my company and for people who read my books a lofty image of my life, namely my wife that does not exist. There I go again. Fiona and I are not officially married at this point in time. And while the feelings II have expressed for her are true the nature of our relationship is not.

Life and other challenges have changed us. After our marriage she was hurt in the most cruelest of ways and that has hardened her heart in some ways. It has turned her into someone who can not honestly love me and I have chosen to ignore that. Instead I go to a fictional world as I always do and created what I want.

In my fictional world she is still is the young naive girl who noticed me when no one else did. I was going through so much when I met her. Namely, I was constantly fighting with my mother and doctors over my chemotherapy and it was taking a lot out of me. So, in a way I always see her as the only person who took the time to comfort me when I needed it most and I haven't changed that image and that has been my downfall.

What we have is partially superficial I realize that and I also see it is hurting my career. I made my life my career so I believe how I present it is important, that is why I am writing this. I want my readers to forget the term JSO and anything she has said or done.

Fiona has a troubled heart and past and it is none of our responsibility to judge her for it. And I would hope no one would judge me for it.

Our relationship is complicated and is only getting more so but,it is also personal and that is how it should stay.

While JB is off doing minimal work for optimal pay I guess I'll have a try at another entry. It was almost 10-12 years ago around this time that I first met JB at my old high school. I have to admit that right now JB and (kids, stop reading this) are going through a hard time and aren't living together right now, but we think it's for the best. He can do his work and I can do mine. I've always wondered why people call me JSO. I thought it was because we aren't married but I guess the term goes both ways. I'd hang myself before callin him my DH online.

I don't really have much to say except to share a little something with you. One of my friends made this a while ago and I thought you all may want to know how much of a sap Joel is. I can't think of anything else, but I may hack into Joel's autobiography site and add my two cents.

XOXOXO

JSO

I guess I cannot ignore what has been going on but, I'm not going to make a big deal about it. I have to admit I will have to change some passwords but, I think my wife has made her point and I know she wouldn't want me making it for her. The internet can be a great and cruel thing, Jill and Greta tell me that people are constantly writing about me and Cobalt online and that is fine, I would be lying if I didn't say I don't look at the occasional Halle Berry chatroom or fansite but, I think that stuff need to stay off of my blog.

I will also say that I would ask the Admin of the blog where this started to find the e-mail address of the person who posted those things and then ban them. This person seemed to have hacked into. Ms. Harrison's account also and used it to publish the document online. Now I am done with that.

We have finally put a final date on the release of my autobiography it will be out on Sept. 19th or for a more dramatic touch 09.19.09. In the end I decided to let it be published as is and I made no changes to it whicih is why it is coming out so soon. After that I am not sure where I will be going or what I will be writing next.

I see myself having more time on my hands so, I may be spending more time with my company or attempting to go back to school.

Only time will tell.

Hello, Joel Baker Fans

So, this is whom you guys like to refer to a JSO. Even though that's not my name it's kind of catchy and is shorter then spelling out my full name.

First things first. I noticed some information on one of my children was put online but I want to make it clear that I would never hurt my children. Christopher Robin is a sick child, I don't feel like I need to go into detail but it's been hard on Joel and I and has lead to some of the strain in our relationship.I can't help but to get angry when I'm accused of something so evil and disgusting. Like most of you knowing what Joel has been through has changed my outlook on everything. I would never want to make my kids hurt the way Joel still is.

I want to respect my son's privacy and leave that at that. If you are genuinely concerned I'm sure you can find the doctor and talk to them. I spent almost two years getting my ass kicked by the military so I'd like to think I can take a lot. But hearing what people accused me of made is hard for me to even sleep. I don't care what you put online but leave my children out of it. I'm going to leave this topic at that and hopefully I'll be able to sleep better.

Onto less sad news

So this whole Behind Blue Eyes thing is a book idea that Rosenwall asked me about because they wanted a lighter version of Joel's Autobiography. It's like those 19 page books you see in bargain sections about celebrities. I really did it for the money but my lack of writing skills has led me to consider declining, but the artwork is nice.

I know you all have been curious about me so here goes. I was born in small town Colorado. I was very creative and had a big imagination that somehow led me to the small town of Oaklande, PA where I met Joel, but this isn't about him. I am very intelligent and am a raging feminist. Right now I work as a doctor and I like knitting, shopping and hope to meet Johnny Depp one day

I don't really have anything else to say. I just went to work, took my kids to the lake, then I went home and watched Bravo on Demand on my flat screen tv.

I won't answer any comments (cause people told me I shouldn't) so don't bother asking me questions

XOXOXO
- JSO

p.s I only choose green because it shows up best, I swear I'm not obseesed with colors like some people.

I think one of the most prevalent experiences as a parent is when something happens to your child that scares you more than it does them. I also think another experience of loving anyone really is when you put not only their safety but state of mind before your own. I had both of those experiences today.

My family and I recently moved into a new house and with moving comes putting stuff together and moving boxes. After I got off work I had dragged my body (and wheelchair) upstairs to take a shower. I was heading for the bathroom when my 8 year old daughter was walking towards me and then she screams. I'll save the gory details but she stepped on a nail and I went to go and take it out of her foot.

Earlier that day in my Physical Therapy I had been working on using my legs somewhat so, I hadn't completely lost my mind when I got out of my wheelchair but, my body didn't want to cooperate and I fell down the stairs and landed on my arm twice. I heard my arm broke and by this time my oldest daughter had taken care of Leanna who despite the screaming a dew seconds before was doing just fine. I didn't want to alarm my children so I called my doctors and everything and I have one of these things now but, at that moment it took a lot out of me not to throw out every word in the book or to start crying because it hurt like a bitch.

Now I am doing fine, I'm just tired and I am starting to miss that beautiful girl I am married to at the time. I do wish she were here with me right now because I feel like such a loser and I really just want t be around her right now, the things she does for me make me feel so much better.

But, I am glad it is Saturday so I have all day off and I will be recovering and getting back to work.

I am working on a new project, but it's very different than what I normally do and I'm not sure where it is going. It is one of those this is a crazy idea I had kind of stories.

Totally Random Sidenote -- Jill told me someone spelled my daughters name Leighanna or something somewhere and I think that looks so much nicer, I may just change it.

Hello everyone !

It's Jill, I'm blogging while Joel is off writing his heart out, he must be on to something.

Anyway Joel's autobiography (tentatively called The Blue-Eyed Saint) is still on hold so, he was nice enough to post some more raw pieces online.

Joel will be posting in here more about his experiences at a later time

Find them here.

P.S Yes I am pregnant BTW

Jill

Hello, everyone I have a lot to get through in this post.

First of all the official word on my injury is that I had lead posioning from a stray fragment of a bullet I was shot with a few months ago. When I fell a month later the fragment went into my spine and no one noticed what was wrong until recently. I had the surgery to remove what was causing my paralysis and now I am relearning how to work my body after not moving for so long so I have been going to a lot of therapy but, like I've said I have wonderful doctors and a network of support that I appreciate more than I can put in words.

I want to thank all of the people who enjoy reading my books who have been great. I know I was a little out of it and not in the best shape during a LA Truth About Forest book signing but people came out and stayed despite that. And I know I was even worse in NYC but, I really did enjoy getting to meet all of you and learing about the people who enjoy my books. Speaking of NYC, some of you had the opprotunity to meet my family including my significant other who usually chooses to stay away from my work events. I was told she came off as cold to some of the fans but, she really is one of the warmest, sweetest women I have ever met and if she wasn't I wouldn't have spent 10 years with her. Honestly the trip itself was last minute and as many of you saw (and heard) it was very stressful on all of us.

I also appreciate all the flowers, cards and balloons.

We (Jill, Greta and I) are planning a few more events because I really want to show my appreciaton for all of you. I will say they will be around LA or the midwest because I have commitments to my family and doctors right now.

As far as my writing career is going I am back at Cobalt (as some of you have seen) and trying to work on a few different things. Getting back into writing for days at a time has been harder than I thought but, I am working through it. As far as my autobiography is going a few copies were published but somehow it ended up back at my editors chopping block. However we are working on it hours at a time.

In other news I am finally allowed to say

My lovely publicist and good friend Jill Lamberton-Ryder is pregnant.